dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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