You can't motorboat a personality
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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