We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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