There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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