You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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