I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
