You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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