If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
