I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
