the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
