i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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