I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
