apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize