bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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