D3 body, D1 cock
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
