Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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