Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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