Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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