when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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