Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
