I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
