how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
