He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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