just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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