We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
