didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
