it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
