i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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