Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
