Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
