I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In America we eat man semen.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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