Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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