I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
