dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
