you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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