I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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