took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
