She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i out mim tonsoeep
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