Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
