Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
