I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
