Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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