Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
