dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
