Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
