Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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