Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
