I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
