let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
