She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
