Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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