He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
