Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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