mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
tell me about the eggs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
