is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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