At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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