we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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