you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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