I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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