Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
