She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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