I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
