i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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