Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
