Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
