They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
