I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
try to milk me bitch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
